Inspirational Letter from the Mohr Family to Arredondo Family

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Three years ago, Jets fan James Mohr was viciously attacked following a New York Jets Fan James Mohr after Brutal AttackJets vs Chiefs game.  Fans Against Violence immediately contacted the Mohr family to offer oursupport.  Anna Mohr, James’ sister, has been a big part of FAV since that day. With every incident that occurs, the feelings they had that day come rushing back to James’ family, particularly

 

Angels Fan Alex Arredondo

Anna.  When Anna heard about Alex Arredondo, the Anaheim Angels fan attacked after the Angels’ playoff game against the Kansas City Royals, it really hit home with her and she immediately felt the need to reach out and offer some type of support.

The following is the inspirational letter she wrote to the Alex Arredondo and his family.  Anna agreed to allow us post her letter in the hopes that it might help other victims and their families.

We would like to thank the Mohr Family and the Arredondo Family for allowing us to share this beautiful letter.

Dear Arredondo Family,

I do not know you, but we share something in common. It is something that most people are fortunate not to know or understand or experience. It is something that happens so quickly, so unexpectedly, so inexplicably, and yet it has changed our lives.

My brother was savagely beaten after a Jets/Chiefs game in December of 2011. He spent a week in the hospital, underwent hours of surgery to repair the broken bones in his face and due to the severe concussion he sustained and the bleeding on his brain, he was unable for months to do the basic daily things that come so easily to the rest of us.

I’m sure there are some things with which James struggles that he doesn’t share with me, or anyone for that matter. But I do know that now, almost three years later he still experiences headaches and visionary problems. Sometimes I wonder if the physical scars remind him of his traumatic ordeal, and I have to close my eyes and pray that no matter what he sees or feels, he knows he’s still as beautiful as he ever was and that his perseverance and strength are admirable and inspiring. I could not possibly be more proud of him.

I was, for lack of a better term, a complete mess when this happened. I was so overwhelmed with emotions it began to feel debilitating. At first, I was scared. We didn’t know the extent of his injuries and I’m the type of person who assumes the worst. When I knew he was conscious, fear turned to anger that someone could do this to another human being. As details emerged, anger turned to sadness. As witnesses recall, he responded to taunts from a group of people who targeted him for reasons that will probably forever be unknown. My best guess is because he was walking alone. He doesn’t remember what happened next. It’s believed he was hit from behind with a bottle or some other blunt object. (His injuries were consistent with this theory.) When I learned that my baby brother, who I will always look at as this adorable little boy, was left on the ground in a parking lot in the middle of a cold New York December, facedown in a pool of his own blood, I was physically ill for days. To think that someone could take someone so important to me and my family and toss him away like he was litter was such a sickening feeling, and it completely shook my faith in humanity and God.

I will not promise you that these feelings and thoughts will ever go away completely. I still have moments of sadness and rage and even guilt that I wasn’t there to protect him. But I can promise that over time, if you can find the strength to seek out a silver lining, life can in some aspects get even better. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. I’ve come to love and appreciate family more than ever. I recognize the fragility of life and don’t take a second I spend with James for granted. I have restored my faith and can again see that for every act of evil, you can find a hundred acts of kindness. That last lesson was learned quickly, thanks to Fans Against Violence. When I would go home from the hospital at night, exhausted and upset and feeling alone, I’d have a mailbox full of messages from people I had never met, spread out all across the country, who just wanted to express their support. Sometimes something as simple as kind words can provide desperately needed comfort. I hope this letter does just that.

And to Alex, my heart breaks that you are suffering through this because of someone else’s stupidity, recklessness and complete disregard for your well-being. Please know that there are thousands and thousands of people thinking about you, praying for you, and cheering you on through your recovery. It is my great hope that one day you will be able to look back on this experience and know it made you a stronger and better man.

And finally, one day, when the pain subsides and the wounds begin to heal, I hope you can forgive. Emotional recovery is just as important, and it is hard to do when you hang on to the anger and hatred. It is not easy for me to know that the people who assaulted my brother get to carry on with their lives, never held accountable for their crimes, while the rest of us have to pick up broken pieces. I’m sure you’re experiencing immense anger right now, and you have a right to. But when I look at the big picture, I pity them. We have our families and our extended family at FAV. We have the support of so many. We still have our brothers, most importantly! It is a safe assumption that people who do things like this are missing the fundamentals that teach right from wrong, good from bad, and I find that extremely sad. So try to focus on Alex’s recovery, and celebrate what a tough and brave man he is!

If there is anything I can do to help you get through this, I hope you will reach out. Here’s to a speedy recovery, Alex! Thinking about you all the way from New York!

Best always,

Anna Mohr

Oakland Raiders to Hold Moment of Silence in Honor of the “Oaktown Pirate”

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Oaktown PirateAfter emailing and speaking with the Oakland Raiders trying to set things up, they have given us permission to share this with everyone.  Aside from their VERY Generous donation of $2500 from the team, $1000 from “MD” (we’ll let you guess who that is) and $500 from Coach Saparno,   at this Sunday game versus the Cardinals the Oakland Raiders will be having a Moment of Silence in honor of our much loved friend Azel W.Grasty Sr., aka Oaktown Pirate!

The Moment of Silence will be held at approximately 1:16pm, prior to the singing of the National Anthem, so please get in the gates early!!

Oaktown Donations

Azel gave so much of himself to the community and to the Raider Nation.  He was also a coach and a mentor to so many children.  He gave of selflessly. We at Fans Against Violence are so happy to have been able to play even a smallest part in making this happen and giving back just a little, in his honor!  It was an HONOR knowing him and he will be forever missed!

Oaktown ChildrensOaktown Ronald McDonald HouseOaktown Coach

Raider Fans have also organized a number of events to help raise funds for funeral expenses and to help his family. They are also requesting everyone wear an eye patch to the game in his honor.

Saturday, October 18th (4pm -10pm)
T-SHIRT SALE & DONATION DRIVE
at Ricky’s Sports Theatre & Grill
15028 Hesperian Blvd, San Leandro, CA 94578

Sunday, October 19th (8am until Kick-off)
TAILGATE TRIBUTE IN HONOR OF OAKTOWN PIRATE
at O.co Coliseum (D Lot in the first two rows, near players entrance)
7000 Coliseum Way, Oakland, CA 94621

The family is still in need of donations to help with funeral expenses so please go to www.youcaring.com/memorial-fundraiser/honoring-oaktown-pirate-azel-grasty/248925 and make a donation..no donation is too small! Every little bit helps!

Thank you to EVERYONE Else that made these events possible! Our thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends and all of Raider Nation!  His loss will be felt deeply!

Ride the Autumn Wind My Friend…until we meet again

 

49er “Waldo” Brings Seahawk and 49er Fans Together

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49er Waldo

Normally a fan attending a championship parade wearing the gear of a rival team would be less than welcome.  Initially this was the case of 49er fan “Waldo” (as he has come to be called), but this is far from the case with this brave young man now.  “Waldo” has quite the story to tell that shows how large fan bases can come together in times of need.

Turns out “Waldo” is 15 years old and is a ward of the state.  So that essentially means that this young man is homeless.  “Waldo” lives in shelters and has endured a very difficult life so far.  King 5 news in Seattle reports that “Waldo” does go to school everyday and that his teachers speak very highly of this brave young man. Ladies of the Empire In an interview with the Ladies of the Empire, an all female club for the San Francisco 49ers, and we’re proud to say one of Fans Against Violence’s partner clubs, “Waldo” explained his reasoning for going to the Seahawks Championship Parade in his 49ers gear “Just being a Niner fan and getting all the crap at school for being one.  I wanted everyone in Seattle and all around the world to know that I was a niner fan and I was no bandwagon!”

Word has spread really quickly about this young man’s unfortunate situation.  Longtime 49er fan and president of the Ladies of the Empire,  Catherine Tate was so impressed with what the bravery “Waldo” showed that she initially wanted to give him front row tickets to a 49ers game next season.  That is when this brave 15 year olds story came to the forefront.  Catherine worked very hard to get in contact with the right people and is raising money for “Waldo”.

Catherine and the Ladies of the Empire initially started a fundraiser on GoFundMe.com for “Waldo” to help get him to San Francisco for a game.  However, after learning of “Waldo’s” situation this go fund me is raising funds to help with all of “Waldo’s” everyday basic needs.  As of this writing $11,365!

Here is what is even more amazing when you see that number its not just 49ers fans contributing, Seahawks fans are also helping this young man.  Along with donations on go fund me you can leave a comment.  Some of the cool comments from the Seahawks fans are: “12th Man wants to help too”, 12th man Wilson style”, “Several 12 fans offering him shelter in their homes if he needs.

This story just goes to show how no matter what team you are a fan of, we are all humans in the end.  For all of the bad things you hear these days when it comes to rivalries in sports, there is more good than bad.  Here you have two fan bases that make one of the most heated rivalries in the NFL today bonding together to help a young man in need.  For as brave as “Waldo” was to go to the Seahawks championship parade in his 49ers gear, it is nothing compared to the courage he shows every day living his difficult life.

To contribute to Waldo’s go fund me please go here: www.gofundme.com/Get-Niner-Waldo-to-SF

For more information on the Ladies of the Empire: ladiesoftheempire.com

For more information on Fans Against Violence: www.fansagainstviolence.org

Ultimate Raider Fan Experience Raffle Winner!!

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FAV Oakland Raiders RaffleA special congratulations goes out to Steve Schilhabel on winning the Ultimate Raider Fan Experience Raffle. Steve and his family are the perfect example of what FAV is all about!
Schilhabel Family

Steve is a long time Oakland Raiders Fan and his wife is a Green Bay Packers Fan. Every year his family attends a game at a different stadium. They just visited their 22nd stadium!
Congrats To the Shilhabel Family! We hope to see you at a stadium soon!

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Fans Against Violence, Ultimate Raider Fan raffle. Although your ticket may not have been chosen, please know your support is much appreciated and will help FAV continue our mission to end violence at sports venues nationwide.

We would also like to thank all of our generous sponsors for helping us put together this great raffle package!!

Oakland RaidersHoliday Inn Express OaklandVisitOakland.orgSolidarity NationBad Boyz of BBQ

A special thank you to Oakland Raiders Super Fans Raider Man, Gorilla Rilla and Dr. Death for their volunteering their time and their continued support of FAV!

We appreciate your continued support of FAV. Together we will continue to work towards ending violence at our stadiums and uniting fans of all teams to create safer and more enjoyable experience for all fans.

Justice for Jets Fan James Mohr

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On May 3, 2013 in Bergen County Criminal Court, a judge sentenced Merle Lee, the man responsible for the brutal attack on James Mohr outside of MetLife Stadium on December 11, 2011, to three years in a New Jersey State Prison following Lee’s plea of guilty to the assault.

The attack left Mohr with several fractures, including his jaw and eye socket, as well as internal bleeding on his brain. He spent a week in the hospital, undergoing a four hour surgery to repair his face, and months recovering at home before being able to return to work and other daily activities.

New York Jets Fan James Mohr after Brutal AttackLee was initially cited a desk appearance ticket for disorderly conduct, but upon learning of the severity of Mohr’s injuries, police officials raised the charge to aggravated assault and a warrant was issued for Lee’s arrest. He was taken into custody two days following the attack and was indicted by a grand jury.

The judge’s ruling comes as a victory for the Mohr family, who has waited over a year for justice to be served. While the family was not present at the sentencing, the outcome was welcomed with great relief and tears of joy. It is now a closed chapter, and focus can be redirected to James’ ongoing recovery and a celebration of the strides he has made in the process.

Fans Against Violence has followed this case from the beginning, and we are ecstatic to learn of this news. We hope this serves as a lesson to fans everywhere- violence at sporting events can be extremely dangerous, even fatal, and offenders will be held accountable for their actions and poor judgment. This incident caused many people pain, and now a man will lose three years of his life behind bars for his crime. It is never worth it. No one wins. Everyone suffers. Please remember that it is just a game, and we are there to enjoy ourselves, root for our teams and show respect for our fellow man.

Raiders Report – Fans Against Violence and the Oakland Raiders Visit the Boys 2 Men Youth Outreach

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On November 26, 2012, Fans Against Violence along with the Oakland Raiders teamed up to speak with the children at the Boys 2 Men/Girls to Women Youth Outreach about the importance of sportsmanship.


To view full episode please visit Raiders.com


FAV & Raiders Derek Hagan Visit Boys 2 Men Outreach Photo Album

In September FAV held a raffle for tickets to the Oakland Raiders vs Denver Broncos game on December 6, 2012.  The winner of the tickets, Michael Sottile of New York, graciously donated the tickets back to FAV and asked that we  give the tickets to some kids who might not otherwise have the opportunity to attend a Raider game.

We were thrilled at the prospect of giving a child such a wonderful opportunity.  We immediately contacted the Oakland Raiders who also jumped on the opportunity to make this a very special day.  Along with the tickets to the game, the Oakland Raiders donated Field passes for the kids.

We immediately contacted the Boys 2 Men Youth Outreach group and held a contest, asking each child to write a sentence on what we can do to end violence.

We were thrilled to be joined by Oakland Raiders Wide Receiver Derek Hagan in picking and announcing the three winners.  We are also very grateful to have super fans Gorilla Rilla & the Pirate, as well as, Dont Even from the Hazmat Boyz for come down and show their support for FAV and make the day so special for some very well deserving children.  It was a very memorable day for them and FAV.

Here are a few of the entries from the children of Boys to Men Youth Outreach
BOYS 2 MEN YOUTH OUTREACH

Helping to decrease the violence in the Oakland community!

By…….

James (10): Having Confidence in yourself and self-control.

Solomon (10):  Having Integrity, Discipline, and Honor, leading positive.

Jordan (10): By showing others Respect and having a positive outlook on life.

Arnell (5): By having Discipline – Training that teaches one to obey rules and to control ones behavior.

Allen (10):  By showing love to everyone.

Flore (8) and Flora (8):  Having pride in your- self.

George (5):  To be good and respectful.

The winning entries:

Damariye (11):  By following our 5 daily words: Discipline, Morals, Integrity, Self-Esteem, and Respect, alone with some Love and that will make all the fans safe and happy.

Julia (11): By having Morals – Principles of right and wrong.

Joseph (13):  Leading by example, To be respectful of our self and others.

Anti-Fan Violence “Improving Personal Safety at Stadiums Act” Passes CA Senate

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California is a signature away from passing legislation in an attempt to solve the growing problem of violence at sporting events- a small victory in the ongoing crusade to bring peace to fans statewide.

CA State SenateAB 2464, proposed by Assemblyman Mike Gatto, landed on Governor Jerry Brown’s desk on Tuesday, and is expected to be signed within the next two weeks. It will mandate owners of all sports facilities to post notices containing the telephone number and text message code to dial in the event an incident arises which calls for security to be summoned. Further, these notices must be strategically placed in locations visible to a majority of spectators in seating areas, parking lots located on the complex premises and at all points of entry.

Gatto introduced this bill back in February, in response to the outrageous number of violent acts reported at sporting events statewide. After being told by some of his constituents that they are concerned for their safety at stadiums and arenas, Gatto decided to take action. The passage of this bill, he hopes, will encourage people to alert authorities before situations escalate and assuage the fear that many have developed to attend games and matches.

We’re optimistic that this law will go into effect, and hopeful that California blazes a trail for other states to follow. As citizens and fans, we are entitled to protection and should not be shy about asking our politicians to ensure that we receive it at all times, including during sporting events. Thank you to the citizens of California, and to Assemblyman Gatto, for refusing to sit on the sideline while this vicious conduct continues. We admire their efforts and hope they inspire more people to join the cause.

Fans Against Violence – A Mother’s Story

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I am a fan against violence and a mother against violence.  On December 11, 2011, my son James Mohr was assaulted in the parking lot of MetLife Stadium after a NY Jets-Kansas City Chiefs game.  James had been involved in a verbal exchange with a Kansas City fan who had made some comments about 9/11.  He thought that he would enlighten her regarding the inappropriateness of her statements.  When that discussion was ended, someone came from behind him and dealt him a beating that resulted in severe but thankfully not life-threatening injuries.  Our family continues to be affected by this incident.

Maureen and James Mohr

Maureen & James Mohr

Of course, our lives came to a standstill as we spent days and nights at the hospital before and after the surgery done to repair James’ face, which had been broken in three places.  More frightening was that he had some bleeding on the brain and had suffered a major concussion.  James was 23 at the time, and healthy and strong.  At first I obsessed about the brain and then started worrying that he would lose his dimples when his face was reconstructed.  The plastic surgeon did a magnificent job and he still has those dimples.  His eyes, however, are not in sync with one another and he still is being treated for that problem.  The effects of the concussion are less apparent – mood swings, headaches, and all the things that sons don’t share with their mothers.

I have never been able to stand violent behavior.  I can’t watch violence in movies, can’t even watch a boxing match.  I don’t understand why anyone gets pleasure from hitting someone else.  When I read about people being beaten, it used to make me sick.  Now it makes me sicker.  I think about James being left on the ground, his head bleeding and in a state of unconsciousness, and I am astounded that anyone could have done this to my son.

I question whether I should have encouraged my children to be competitive – they are indeed avid fans of some team in every sport.  They have played soccer, basketball, baseball, hockey, and have run track and are good swimmers.  They have always wanted to win, and they have always wanted their teams to win.  Although I don’t really believe that this was an instance of team rivalry, I know that those kinds of rivalries have resulted in similar violent behavior.  It is not acceptable.  We should be able to root for our teams without anticipating that a physical attack might ensue.

Given the catalyst of this event – the verbal exchange with the Kansas City fan–I wonder if I should have supported my son’s right to state his opinion about things and to believe that he could talk someone into adopting his point of view.  Freedom of speech and all that – things I thought my children should appreciate.  So I question myself constantly.

And I worry.  Never having thought something like this could happen, now I know that it can and it does and it did.  My children are adults and yet I never stop worrying.  I wonder if I ever will stop worrying and if it’s possible to resign from this job as mother.  There are doctor’s and hospital bills to contend with, a criminal case that we try to follow and of course the following up on the health issues.  When I see strangers parked on our block, I wonder if someone is stalking one of my family members; if the phone rings in the middle of the night, my heart stops.

I realize that I have become a prisoner of sorts – that someone else’s criminal act has caused me to imprison myself with fear, uncertainty and negativity.  By doing this, my spirit is impaired and everything is more difficult.  Luckily, I have come to recognize this impairment and I am determined to knock down those prison walls and enjoy my freedoms and cheer for my teams.  It is my hope that all fans may do the same in a healthy and safe environment and that no mother will have to meet her child in a trauma center after a football game.

Aaron Curry, Oakland Raider’s Linebacker, Teams Up with Fans Against Violence

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Fans Against Violence is so happy to announce that Aaron Curry of the Oakland Raiders is joining us! On June 27th, Curry posted, via Twitter, the subsequent message to his followers: “This year I’m teaming up with @FansAV Gotta bring violence in the stands to a halt! Leave the violence to me”

Aaron CurryAaron Curry played football for Wake Forest University and was considered by many to be the best linebacker available in the 2009 NFL draft. He was selected by the Seattle Seahawks in the fourth round, the highest recruited linebacker in almost a decade. Since October 2011 Curry has been a member of the Oakland Raiders and has proven to be a valuable asset to the team. Currently he has a career record of 46 games played, 202 tackles, 160 of them being solo, and 5.5 sacks.

Off the field, Aaron Curry is a husband, father and spearheads the Family 59 Foundation, an organization geared towards supporting families facing various social and economic issues.
His generosity, commitment to serving the community and dedication to the many who have benefited from his work combined with his tremendous athletic ability make him a true role model.

Regarding his stance on violence in the stands, he issued the following statement:

“As a husband, father, and player on game day nothing bothers me more than the thought of violence in the stands. Fans, you have every right to be passionate about your team, but the moment your passion becomes the fuel for violence in the stands is when things go wrong. Fans should respect one another whether cheering for the same team or not. Leave the violence to me, on the field.”

We are so grateful for his support and welcome him to FAV!

Fan Violence: A Symptom of a Societal Problem

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Cyber bullying, gossip, backstabbing, bickering, catty behavior, mean mommy in the minivan, dad screaming on the sidelines of a youth game, office politics, ‘reality’ TV, bench clearing brawls, beating someone because they support a rival team… All examples of people not knowing how to handle negative emotions and engage in productive conflict; it is becoming an epidemic.

Dr. Robyn Odegaard

Dr. Robyn Odegaard

We have accepted that disagreements often escalate into physical violence. Turn on the TV at almost any time and you can find a ‘reality’ program that shows the meanest, most hateful person succeeding and getting ahead.  Is it really any wonder this behavior is spilling over into our stadium parking lots?  We are allowing stupid behavior to become the new normal.  Fortunately, we have the ability (and I believe, the responsibility) to change it.

I am going to break something shocking to you – the tirades people go on are driven by feelings and the inability to manage them, not logic or facts. When did feelings become the ‘F’ word while the real f-bomb is dropped without a thought?  How are we supposed to learn what to do with negative feelings?  Who teaches this stuff?  Somewhere along the way we have forgotten to teach our young people how to have a disagreement without being rude, disrespectful and throwing a tantrum.

Why does it matter?  Well aside from general human decency (which I think is a pretty big issue), knowing how to use productive conflict and engage in a professional disagreement has been shown to lead to greater success.  And success leads to more happiness and usually higher income.  Need evidence?  See here, here, here and here.

What are we going to do about it?  Well I don’t know about you, but I founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign to show people from junior high through CEOs how to understand what they are feeling and to use language powerfully to move toward resolution rather than epic meltdown.  You can call it organizational development, team building, professional coaching or team psychology.  Whatever label you put on it the bottom line is this – grownups who are able to act like grownups are going to get further in life.  I am not suggesting people suppress their feelings.  In fact I teach exactly the opposite.  We all can benefit by learning how to express ourselves productively rather than using the volcano method (push it down until the pressure is so great it explodes).

Let me start by defining ‘Productive Conflict’ – The act of addressing and handling a disagreement or misunderstanding using an established set of healthy communication guidelines which lead to resolution (from the book Stop the Drama!).

Here are a few steps for preparing to engage in productive conflict (even if the person you are speaking to does not understand the foundation of it).

  1. Know what you need to achieve with the conversation.  Productive conflict isn’t about winning or losing.  It is about reaching a resolution.   Ask yourself – what is my end goal and do I really need to have this conversation?
  2. Understand and remove any preconceived ideas you have about why the other person did what they did.  Small children know you can’t understand why something happens unless you ask.  As adults we stop asking why and start making it up.  It is important to enter a discussion with a blank slate.
  3. Know your timeout point.  All of us have buttons that can get pushed.  Know when you have reached the point where you are fighting rather than discussing and take a timeout.  As I always say, just because a conversation starts to go downhill doesn’t mean you have to go with it.
  4. Now you are ready to implement the actual steps of productive conflict in this post: We Need More Conflict in Our Lives!

These steps are a foundation to managing emotion and engaging in productive conflict.  If there weren’t competitors, if there was no such thing as rivalries, sports wouldn’t exist. There is no reason to be hateful, condescending or rude to someone because of the team they support.  Recognize when rivalry is going too far and walk away.  Shrug and say, “We’ll see”.  The skills you employ could save your life if your rival is part of the no-holds-barred epidemic of conflict management.